


is it better (to have loved and lost)

by kay_emm_gee



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fighting, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5947759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_emm_gee/pseuds/kay_emm_gee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Candles gave her room in Polis a yellowish glow, still dim no matter how many she lit. Tonight, though, as she glared at Bellamy across the large space, she wasn’t sure she needed to have lit a single one. The sparks in his eyes and heat rolling off of him might be enough to set the whole space ablaze.</p>
<p>Hands fisting at her sides, she started. “Bellamy, this is what is best for our people–”</p>
<p>“Our people?” He growled. “Our people were killed by these people.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	is it better (to have loved and lost)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry

Candles gave her room in Polis a yellowish glow, still dim no matter how many she lit. Tonight, though, as she glared at Bellamy across the large space, she wasn’t sure she needed to have lit a single one. The sparks in his eyes and heat rolling off of him might be enough to set the whole space ablaze.

Hands fisting at her sides, she started. “Bellamy, this is what is best for our people–”

“Our people?” He growled. “Our people were _killed_ by these people.”

“That was the Ice Nation–”

“It doesn’t fucking matter!”

“Bellamy, you can’t–”

“They’re never going to accept us Clarke.”

“They will–”

“Because the Commander says so? That’s fucking bullshit and you know it.”

“Nia will pay for what she’s done to our–”

“Don’t fucking say it.”

“People–”

“You don’t fucking know who our people are anymore, Clarke! Because you haven’t been there. You _left_ and you don’t get to make unilateral decisions about our people, not anymore.”

“ _Bellamy_.”

“I lost someone!” He roared, whipping around from her balcony, eyes flashing and voice explosive enough to startle her into flinching. “I _lost_ someone Clarke, someone I–” He choked, not able to get the words out.

Clarke’s gut clenched and her throat went dry as she watched him spin around, clutching the railing and hunching over it, as if in physical pain. Slowly, so very slowly, she walked towards him, boots scuffing against the concrete floor. He tensed as she stood next to him, refusing to look. Hesitantly she raised a shaking hand, to set it on his shoulder, to comfort him, a boy who had lost so much and a man who continued to lose even more.

The minute she touched him though, he wrenched away. Then he looked at her, with rage and disbelief in his eyes. Her own eyes pricked with tears, because never, _never_ had he looked at her like that before. Clarke inhaled sharply, feeling sorry and pissed and at fault and indignant all at once. Her skin itched, feeling stretched, as she watched Bellamy ( _Bellamy_ ) back away from her.

“Don’t.” His word was biting, seething, bubbling with outrage.

“ _Bellamy_ ,” she hissed, because how could he not see it? How could he not see that she was doing this to save them all, that she always did whatever it took to save their people?

_Whatever happened to it had to be done?_

He looked away from her for the last time, turning on his heel to storm out the door. As she watched him go, Clarke expected him to pause in the exit, hesitating at leaving her, because together was how they had always done things. It was always how they won.

Bellamy never paused though, walking straight out of her room and disappearing in the dark without the slightest break in his stride.

Clarke thought she had known what loss was, but it wasn’t until that candlelit moment, where she felt tears spill onto her cheeks when she looked for someone who wasn’t there anymore, that she realized she still had a lot to learn about what the ground could take from her.


End file.
